I think many men and some women simply don’t know how they feel, or how to identify their feelings, or feel comfortable expressing those feelings.  Letting the soul breathe, connecting with people on a deep level, and moving through pain and into peace, requires that we be able to know and express our deepest feelings.

Try this.  Quiet your mind and take some deep breaths.  Feel the earth beneath you.  Be present to whatever is around you, but don’t hold onto anything.  Allow thoughts to come and go without latching onto them.  Sink into your body.  What do you feel?  If you can’t identify a feeling, what are you feeling physically in your body?  Go to these places, perhaps touch yourself here, and listen for a feeling.  Still not sure?  Basic feelings are sad, angry, afraid, joyful, and perhaps guilt and shame.  If you had to guess, which would you pick?  You may be feeling all of these feelings at the same time!  If you’re saying “I feel like…” or “I feel that…”, then what follows is not a feeling but a judgment or what you think.  What’s the feeling behind this judgment?  Hopefully, you’ve identified some feelings.  Now consider what these feelings are about.  You don’t need a long story; see if you can boil it down to a sentence or two.  Share this with a good listener or write in your journal.  Try listening to your feelings as often as you can.

My favorite poem speaks to the importance of listening to and valuing all of our feelings.  “The Guest House” by Rumi, a 13th century Sufi mystic, was translated by Coleman Barks.  Barks had a link to this site, so I assume he gave permission:  The Guest House