Our relationship to others can help us listen to parts of ourselves that yearn to be expressed.  The shadow is that part of ourselves that we hide, repress, or deny.  We tend to project our shadow onto others, causing us to experience strong emotions.  For instance, I might see a friend acting snobbish and get angry because the snob is a part of me that I don’t like.  If I can recognize this projection, then my feeling of anger immediately dissipates, and I’m less likely to act out towards the person in anger.  I also recognize that my friend has held up a mirror for me.  Now I can examine why this shadow exists in my life: my stepmother tended to be snobbish and that’s wrapped up in my not getting affection from her.  Also, my pretending that I’m better than others keeps me at a distance, protecting me from getting hurt.  It’s also really about the opposite: not being good enough.  As you can see, I find many gifts in looking at just this one shadow, and now I’m grateful to my snobby friend.  I can also own that part of me that is a snob, and see if that part of me has a gift I can use: acting like a snob may help me get work in certain circles.
    
Besides this dark shadow, the shadow may be golden.  I see a talented artist and feel a tremendous admiration.  Perhaps she holds up the artist in me who yearns to express.  I might be thinking that my talent pales in comparison, so why bother?  This keeps my shadow repressed, and if I don’t honor my shadow, it may come out in inappropriate ways.  For instance, I might find myself criticizing a friend’s painting.  I would much rather buy a few art supplies and allow my own creativity to flourish.
    
Try this.  Make a list of people who annoy you, infuriate you, frustrate you, or scare you.  These may be real or fictitious, the famous or familiar.  Next to each, note their behaviors or character traits that really get to you.  On a fresh sheet, make a list of people you admire or envy, or people you feel happy being around.  Next to each, note their behaviors or character traits that cause you to feel that way about them.  Don’t go on to the next step until you’re done!
    
Look over your lists of behaviors and character traits.  See if any repeat and circle these.  Assume for the moment that these traits are your dark and golden shadows.  Journal about how these shadows might have come to exist based on your history, how these shadows manifest themselves in your life, what gifts the shadow holds for you, and how you might honor and own each shadow so it doesn’t own you.